Day 20

The last couple of days I've been feeling a bit slumpy about my art making, questioning why I am doing it in the first place.  Sometimes, I seem to lose perspective on where I am going with my work and what I am doing it for. It's days like these I need to remember my own previous rants on creativity, that it is something innate within us all and should not become yet another proponent for guilt and self doubt. I have to go to work this morning and have not completed a new drawing for the day but will have one later this afternoon. Today is a day just like any other day, yet completely new and different. I wonder what will happen.

As the day went on, I was able to feel excited about doing some drawings tonight. I couldn't quite scan these because the paper is too big for my scanner, so Iphone pics will have to do for now. I think what I'm struggling with lately is this desire to simply make art. It's when I start to over-think and plan and control my work, it looses all the air. When I'm just letting it happen (which I'm afraid sounds careless) but seems to more readily open this flood gate to the point where I'm racing to continue, to really just play with images and colors, and explore what is going on there, where there are no words or logic. I think when I start to control the work, it can trigger in me a confined feeling of conformity, which I have always battled with and tried to run away from. I need to learn how not to run away completely, to leave some chaos, but to add touches of order in small doses. I do need to play with the chaos a bit more I think though.